The days before an event are always the most exciting. Every battle still has potential to be the greatest ever, and every battler is poised to have the next scene-shattering performance. Right now, battlers from around the world are congregating in Toronto for the biggest battle rap event the city has even seen. The whole rap landscape could be changed after this weekend. Legends will rise, reputations will be destroyed, etc.
Here’s how we see it happening:
Dizaster vs Arsonal
Becomes the highest-viewed battle of all time. Everyone on RMBVA hates it.
Arcane vs Pat Stay
Arcane has the performance of his career until Pat Stay noogies him.
Charron vs Shotgun Suge
Suge no-shows, and if he doesn’t Charron pocket-checks him in the first round. If Suge shows up and loses, he’s going to his car, getting his other gun, and shooting everybody’s ass.
Daylyt vs Loe Pesci
Daylyt stays silent for an entire round to prove he can choke better than Pesci. He starts his next round with some “John Cage/Johnny Cage/Van Damn! That shit’s expensive” wordplay that people only kind of get but still go crazy for.
Hollohan vs Charlie Clips
After confronting the issues that caused him to miss his first battle against Clips, Hollohan rethinks his life and embraces pacifism and a vegan diet. He shows up in a Buddhist monk’s robe and refuses to battle Clips for religious reasons.
Loonie vs The Saurus
After the footage drops, The Saurus gets his first million-view battle since facing Iron Solomon. Ninety per cent of the viewers don’t actually speak English.
JC vs 100 Bulletz
JC vanishes on his way across the border, somewhere around Windsor, and is never heard from again. 100 Bulletz releases his bars months later in a YouTube video he shoots in his computer room. Playing on the JC -> Jesus Christ angle, Bulletz does a list scheme that incorporates all of the books of the Bible; fans go crazy when he somehow fits in Deuteronomy.
Purpose vs Uno Lavoz
Purpose pulls off a tremendous freestyle that literally drops jaws in the audience, but Lavoz picks up the win when he sways momentum by saying Purpose’s mom’s vagina is visible from space and then calls it “the Great Wall of Vagina.”
Osa vs Pass
Battle of the night (or at least it would’ve been).
Rone vs Real Deal
Battle of the night if the other battle of the night isn’t the battle of the night.
J-Pro vs Anygma
Bodybag of the year. For Anygma. According to every Filipino fan in the audience.
Deffinition vs PH
Most heated battle of the night. Brawling ensues.
Gin I vs Pigsty
Both battlers put on the performances of their careers but most of the crowd hasn’t arrived yet, or is outside smoking.
Bonnie Godiva vs Young Gattas
Drake goes home with at least one of them.
Tantrum vs Protege
In a blistering third round, Tantrum cuts deep into Protege’s laid-back, humble, really-rather-pleasant persona.
Cortez vs Tycoon Tax
Cortez exposes Tycoon Tax for not being a tycoon and always paying his taxes. Tax’s career never recovers from such damning accusations.
Miracle vs Youthoracle
“Man, this a great battle. Who are these guys again?” asks random battle fan from Alberta. “It’s Manacle against a guy from Australia,” says his friend in the Ed Hardy shirt.
Notez vs Skreem
Notez g-checks Screem so hard in the first round he spends the rest of the battle scrambling to find a place to bury the body.
Lexx Luthor vs Kryple
Lexx disses Kryple’s gay dads or something. That’s more than a prediction. That’s a promise.
N-Pose vs Pedro
N-Pose brings three rounds of Mexican jokes and shows up wearing a sombrero, not realizing that Pedro is British.
Kinaze vs Illite MC
Kinaze spends so much time practicing his projection that when the battle actually happens he’s lost his voice.
Nonstop vs Mike Pipes
Nonstop chokes and is forced to change his name again, mid-battle.
TOBB’s WD4 content:
-Everything you missed at WD4 (Day 1)
-Everything you missed at WD4 (Day 2)
-Everything you missed at WD4 (Day 3)
-Final thoughts on WD4
-Overheard at WD4
-Top quotes from the WD4 press conference
-TOBB’s (mildly hilarious) WD4 predictions
-Q&A: Pat Stay speaks on his Arcane battle
-Who should come to WD4?